September 29, 2016

How to get offered a sponsored post

I am about as capable of pitching as this toy is at fixing an engine.
If strike through was allowed in titles this post would be called: How not to get offered a sponsored post again. It's pretty simple. Just say no. People have pitched me to pitch them. I have been asked to write about toys and trips and books and strange powder that you put in hair to make it look less thin. (I did try this product but ended up with weird color on my fingertips and an itchy scalp.) I am supposed to tell you to buy beautiful purple make up bags. I have found that they work Read more [...]
September 28, 2016

Not so Great Expectations: Living Life with a Low Bar

This is a story of low expectations. For two weeks I have had drippy itchy eyes. Staying physically on the verge of tears has changed my mood. Scientists as far back as Darwin have suggested that "(e)ven the simulation of an emotion tends to arouse it in our minds." So for two weeks I have felt sad. Earlier this week in the midst of my pervasive sadness allergies I drove two delightful friends visiting Vermont on a tour of Denver hot spots. During our journey I exposed them to unavoidable Read more [...]
September 26, 2016

Five Fabulous Family Games you can play in Fifteen Minutes.

Every Wednesday we sit down for family game night. If you are like me the very phrase causes you to break out in a cold sweat. It will start out all fun and, well, games. It will inevitable evolve into catatonic boredom or shrieking accusations of cheating. If we are lucky it can be both of the above. Happily we are finally past the life stage where we play the game of Life, that endless game with no strategy. We are not yet ready for full on gambling although we have begun the process of Read more [...]
September 22, 2016

Euphemism, Youth-emism

The face of someone who gets it.
I don't mean to brag but my kids already understand penis jokes. Yesterday Oliver was selecting a banana from the bunch and held up his choice. "I like this one, it is long and hard." Like any good role model I snickered. Leo looked at me from his kitchen stool. First his eyes were slanted quizzically. Then they opened wide with understanding. "You are laughing because a banana is like a penis." Why yes I was. The solid grasp of penis humor (see what I did there) began, as it should have, Read more [...]
September 19, 2016

Noneday

Trigger warning...this post might make Monday worse. In fact, by starting with a g-damned trigger warning it already has. Also- reminder I am an expert on virtually nothing other than being a lazy parent and wearing comfortable shoes. So take my recommendations with a shaker of salt. I started my day down a rabbit hole. It was my own fault...mine and pretty much all of you. I read about superbugs and sadly I don't mean turbo charged Volkswagon. In Ferris Jabr's New York times article that Read more [...]
September 16, 2016

Five must have shoes for comfort

Every morning I sit across from my cousin and write. There are times we are both working on passion projects and there are times that he is just...working. Because he gets paid. His areas of expertise are varied and writes for soccer magazine, some famous gaming site, and is editor in chief for StyleForum a men's fashion website. Yesterday he had me read his fall sneaker round up.  It made me realize for the 20,000th time how little I know or care about fashion. Some of my readers are with me. We Read more [...]
September 15, 2016

Open mouth insert foot.

I started my day on Twitter searching the #Wednesdaywisdom hashtag. I can't imagine a better place to feel uplifted in 140 characters than on my least favorite social media site. Despite my specific search I was not looking for affirmation or tips on mindfulness. I wasn't looking for something to inspire me...but something to mock. As is so often the case that something turned out to be me. When people are speaking seriously to me about mental illness or infertility I manage to keep my Read more [...]
September 13, 2016

Not Just One thing

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Dear Leo, Today marks a decade of having you in my life. It is hard to remember a time without you. A time before your almond eyed smile. A time before the special snacks you bring me. A time before you showed me what it meant to love and torture your brother in equal measure. A time before each animal represented a possible friend and each object on earth could be treasure. There was a time when I didn't think a garbage can could be a hat or a belt could be a skirt in and of itself. But you Read more [...]
September 12, 2016

Make friends not cupcakes

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This morning I stood at the counter slicing an apple with a very sharp knife. I love this knife. If I had to escape my burning house I would grab this knife. It is totally replaceable and still it makes the cut. Literally. The two boys are across from me. One casually stealing my apple slices while dodging the slicer. The other chattering about what a "weird" family we are. His evidence? That he likes red apples and I like green. I don't find it particularly noteworthy but I am enjoying his Read more [...]
September 1, 2016

The shallow end

"I still can't wear mascara" she tells her friend. She is in tailored pants, a fitted T shirt hugging her curves with toned tan arms holding her 1/2 caf skinny latte. She has chunky jewelry, brand named sandals and professionally colored blond hair. "You look great." her friend tells her, truthfully. "People are going to look at me and be like, what is up with her." I guess because of the mascara. I am listening to her and wondering 'what is up with her.' My ginger peach tea is ready at the drinks Read more [...]
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