May 26, 2016

The mom bra

Not a mom bra
She deemed me a 40G which I joked sounded more like an apartment number than a bra size. Read more [...]
May 24, 2016

The Gummy Bear Rorschach Test

Gummy Bear Rorschach
The first time I saw this picture (oh be quiet, you know you have a picture of gelatin desserts that you look at once a week too) I thought our little guy in the front was looking pretty jaunty. He was off to have a day of some sort. Probably a sweet day. He was no longer a mashed mess of bear limbs in a bag. I couldn't quite see his expression (perhaps because his face just sort of fades away into a blob) but I imagined him smiling. Today? Today he looks like he has turned away from the Read more [...]
May 23, 2016

Family Meeting- 20 minutes a week can save your sanity

Problem solving out at a restaurant. This photo is not posed.
Every Monday evening we clear our dishes and sit around our rough barn wood table to dish with each other. The four of us have been having family meetings (almost) weekly for 9 years. We have stuck with the schedule Danny Devito style on trains, planes and automobiles. We have skyped and face-timed. We have cried tears of joy and frustration. Despite wriggling and whining (mine), somber promises (Oliver), threats of incarceration (Steve), and a monotone mutter (Leo) we make it to the table. And Read more [...]
May 19, 2016

Choking…up. The highs and lows of parenting

Choking up with sadness
It is once again game night. Steve is back in Baltimore visiting his second family working so I have called in reinforcements. Our neighbors gather around the table with us to play Apples to Apples Junior. After several years of using Sharpies to customize cards the game has a decidedly less "junior" feel. There are about 5 cards that read "my balls" but lately the ante has been upped and there are "hairy balls" "big bald balls" and "your neighbor's balls." This one was particularly awkward with Read more [...]
May 16, 2016

Sexpectations

writer's block/ sex block
The longer you wait the harder it gets. Literally and figuratively. The expectations rise, as do the sexpectations. Read more [...]
May 12, 2016

Married sex

Married sex
All you need to do is look at Oliver and Leo to see that our sex life is not a new thing. In the early days we couldn't keep our hands off of each other. Each road trip had arms crossed and fingers on thighs, each nap was a tangle of body parts. It didn't take long for that to cool. Kids, jobs, house renovations, we found our thrills and escapes in places other than each other's bodies. At least I did. Then one morning it changed... I heard him pad softly into the room mere minutes after I Read more [...]
May 10, 2016

She is a Total Pussy- trouble with my live in love

Pussy Cat
She is a total pussy: intimacy issues with my live in love. It has been almost a year since I invited her into my house, began to care for her, paying her doctors bills, buying her dinner, cleaning up after her when she got sick. I had visions for a future of mutual contentment. I thought she would be someone to share my life with, someone to cuddle up with at the end of a hard day. Instead I have learned that she has intimacy issues. She seems incapable of meeting my needs. She thinks I don’t Read more [...]
May 9, 2016

Echoes- nothing really ends

the end of the echoes of music
For weeks I have been woken by a woodpecker. Sadly, not my husband's. It sounds like construction inside my head, its knocking not quite rhythmic making it hard to sort out neatly into dreams. The sound echoes off of the strange slants of my bedroom ceiling entering my consciousness the way the bird enters the ailing tree. Awake earlier than we want my husband holds my hand and gives it a light squeeze. I feel a rush of pain and remember the injury I sustained rolling around on the floor at Read more [...]
May 5, 2016

How not to snuggle a claustrophobe

Elevators, airplanes, playing "hide and go seek" in the refrigerator...they are all terrifying. The combination of small metal container, limited supply of oxygen and  me creates the exact anxious reaction you would expect from a claustrophobe. Increased heart rate, clammy sweating, and the inability to take in air. The only things my lungs are good for when I feel trapped is screaming.  Despite my extreme reaction this type of claustrophobia is not a big problem in my life. I can avoid those Read more [...]
May 4, 2016

Taste the Rainbow.

rainbow prism
The last time I saw in technicolor was when I went to music camp. I have always perceived notes as colors, when they are sharp they vibrate, flat they dim, and just right they make a rainbow. Sadly this doesn't translate to being able to produce beautiful music. Once I gave up my instrument the world went back to shades of grey. Chatting with a friend whose life is music I learned that color associations with words, letter and notes have a name...and a Wikipedia page. Synesthesia fascinates me, Read more [...]
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