What do you do when you show up to a fancy party alone in sneakers and a fleece covered in cat hair? Find the nearest object of your attraction and try out one of these can’t lose pick up lines.
- Hold up your foot and ask “Do you want to touch my aglet now, or save it for tonight?” If you are met with confusion circle your foot to get your sneaker laces dancing and explain that the aglet is the hard part of the lace that stands up when you excite it like this.
- Lean in close and stare deeply into the space between a hotties eyes and declare : Your glabella is so smooth, can I stroke it?”
Pick three cat hairs off of your black fleece top while asking: “This white hair, this orange hair, and this grey hair all came from the same cat. Is it a boy or a girl?” When your conquest looks to you for more information tell him/her “There are two colors/ x chromosome, so any cat with three colors is ALL GIRL…” Best to purr invitingly.
- “Do you have synesthesia? It is when people can hear, taste, and feel color. I have it and I can conclusively say you are RED HOT.”
- Stick your finger out from the top of your forehead and nuzzle/repeatedly bump your target with it. “Did you know the national animal of Scotland is a unicorn?” Best results come when you speak with an unidentifiable accent.
- Offer a refill of wine while saying “My finger fits perfectly in the punt…does yours?”
- Mutter “I’m not drunk I’m brilliant.” Repeatedly. When you catch the right someone’s eye explain: “Repeating sentences under your breath is a sign of genius…Albert did it right out until his patent days.”
- Find a silver fox and say “Ramjit Raghav became a father at 94… I bet we could break his record.”
- Approach anyone interesting who is using an iPhone and tell them “Cleopatra lived closer to the invention of the iPhone than she did to the building of the Great Pyramid. She and I are like sisters. And I am the younger one.”
- Offer up this nugget to another hungry guest “Vending machines are twice as likely to kill you than a shark is…want to live dangerously and split at Twix?”
- “Humans share 50% of their DNA with bananas….I know what I would do with a big banana.”
- “An octopus has three hearts. You are making me feel like an octopus.”
You will be walking out the door with a silver haired hottie sharing a bottle of wine and Twix bar while speaking in brogue.
19 thoughts on “12 best pick up lines for a schlubby Know-It-All”
Dunno what kinda pardies you go to but this cracked me up!
Imaginary parties…just the cat hair is real.
My kind of humor! Loved it. Shared on my blog’s FB page, where millions will see it. And by “millions” I mean maybe 5.
Well I’ve seen it there so four more lucky folks get to enjoy it as well!
Haha this is great! I may just use some of these. 😉
Tell me which ones if and when you do…
Best pick-up lines ever. Also totally hilarious. Must try no 5 on my Scottish husband.
That might give you both a laugh.
Hmmmmm, makes note to self must party with Anna when in Colorado.
Like there was another option.
I’m trying the cat hair line, I’ve got a calico cat so I got it!
Yes. Ample opportunity. I use that one all the time. And I’m married. But I’m not sure those two facts are related.
You know you are the kind of crazyy that I like and this post is a perfect example of that.
Oh my … laughed so hard that I ALMOST wet myself!
I need to be just a little bit funnier.
I want you at my next dinner party! Let me know when you’re in Atlanta and we will set it UP! Seriously, I’m married to a wicked chef and have enough China to seat 60!
I can only seat 14 but let me know when you are in Atlanta!