Archive / 2015

November 10, 2015

How (not) to have the best night’s sleep of your life

I stand paused in front of a cook book called “Dump.” I see that it was written for the crockpot set, but still wonder at the branding team that unloaded this on the public. I want to reach out to examine it more closely but my good arm is filled with animal shaped slippers and as seen on TV engraving tools. It is early November so I am following the Rite Aid Rule and shopping for the holidays. Really I am waiting for my medication (AGAIN) but as the customer flow wizards know waiting is the same Read more […]

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November 4, 2015

Middle me this

I am great at starting things. Fights, businesses, giggle fits in my boys. I am also skilled at endings. I can sell houses, close LLCs, pack boxes and move away. It is the middle that is tricky. Life is mostly middles. Here are just a few: Household maintenance, with its endless cycles of dishes and laundry. All the days between the goal setting of New Year’s day and the celebration of New Year’s eve. The stages of a project between conception to conclusion. The calorie counting and food Read more […]

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October 30, 2015

Why I write version 4.

The word dump that allows the brain dump. 1.Because I think through typing. 2.AND to clear the words from my head. (Logic is not one of the reasons.) 3.There are people that want to talk about depression and miscarriage and money and sex who need an over sharer in their life. That might as well be me. 4.I want to have a one word answer to “what do you do?” at cocktail parties. 5.A $25 check made out to me is better than a $25 check made out by me. 6.I always wanted to make stuff but I Read more […]

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October 29, 2015

Piss off pumpkin

  Dear pumpkin, You have haunted me like the holiday you belong to. Beginning in September, when it was 80 degrees in most spots you and your spooky spices started showing up on chalkboards everywhere. What sort of exorcism will I need to get you out of Trader Joe’s? At first I thought you were just all over the flyer…but no. You have overtaken endcaps, you are on the top shelves and the tasting area. You are in baked goods (reasonable) coffees (gross) and beer (I have no words.) How Read more […]

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October 28, 2015

Friendbook

Everyone go on Facebook right now and list your best friends.  Just put it right there in the status update. If you want you can number them 1. 2. 3. That’s optional. But selecting a few friends is not. Go ahead. No? Ok. You don’t list your best friends anymore…that was so third grade. But…it wasn’t such a great thing in third grade was it? How would you feel if your teacher had you list your best friends and post them on your locker? Which is in the common hallway for the entire Read more […]

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October 26, 2015

Wickedpedia

What did you do this weekend? Did you realize that your world exists in a hive mentality? Did you shake off your new found disillusions to revel in the glee of your own power? Did you get appointed mayor of a major (ish) city? Well we did. We hosted some folks for wine and cheese on Friday.  Towards the end of the evening a small handful of us tore ourselves away from the cheese and sunk into the squishy seats in the adjoining living room. Talk turned to the efficacy of social media and Read more […]

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October 22, 2015

My vagina is a slacker

  My Vagina I am not a modest woman. I am writing about my vagina for fuck’s sake. But still it is tough times on the table, and I am not yet in the stirrups. I sit in my miserable paper robe, called “huge” by the chipper weighing woman, but barely closing with its mismatched ties. It doesn’t have enough slack to cover me. My MD When the doctor breezes in she is younger than I am. This should not be a surprise, but it is. She sits on her wheelie chair and leans agains the wall Read more […]

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October 21, 2015

How Skype Saved My Son’s Social Life

The voice sneaking out from under the playroom door is guttural but child-like. I don’t know any German Elementary school boys but clearly there is one in my house not more than 10 feet from where I stand, paused before entering the powder room. After I minute I hear the musical peals of my son’s laughter and his response. “Wait until you see this dog try to herd this turtle. He is just so slow! And I’m talking about the DOG!” The turtle safely tucked away I crack the door to see only Read more […]

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October 20, 2015

Cat sleeping with One eye open Looks dead

October 19, 2015 Denver, CO In what has become her signature move the 17 year old cat known as “Lucy” is again asleep with her eye open. While her family gathers around to wait for the breath to signal that she is not dead they recount other more active times. “There was that one day where she slept on the bed and BOTH couches” remembers Leo, the younger son, with wistful pleasure. “I always know she is alive when she is hacking up her dinner on the rug” the less sentimental older Read more […]

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October 16, 2015

Llogic

Depending on your attitude our family has either an evolved or creepy relationship to the meat we eat. Local food was easy to find in Vermont, particularly with the growth of Bread and Butter Farm mere blocks from our house. In the early days of Bread and Butter when Adam just had one milk cow we would drive a half an hour to Essex. I would return with glass jars filled with the raw milk that didn’t require me to pop lactaid and (theoretically) gave my boys the benefit of all the vegetables they Read more […]

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