Archive / December 2016

December 21, 2016

Have dog will travel

For reasons that are clear if you have met me I have never been drawn to a padded bra. Sometimes when I am doing fantasy math about my weight I try to deduct the density of my breasts from the equation. Depending on my mood those suckers weigh between 10 and 100 pounds. Even on the lighter end of that spectrum they require a bit of work to get around. Last month we went on a dual trip to Florida and NYC. The night before travel I always labor over my travel outfit. I am looking for something Read more […]

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December 14, 2016

Just Desserts

Last night I hosted a dessert party for families that might choose our middle school. Students and parents, teachers and principal stood at my kitchen island and pitched our school. Kids talked about theatre and orchestra and sports. They raved about their STEM class and how they felt each teacher cared about them as people, not just as student ID numbers. The young math teacher glowed as she recalled a fight in her classroom…over the answer to a math problem. She interrupted her flash lesson to Read more […]

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December 7, 2016

New Math, Old Misery

He enters the bedroom at 7:45 in the morning. He has squeezed himself into last year’s hoodie footie pajamas and pulled the hood up over his newly short hair. Seven forty five would be a civilized time of day if it weren’t the hour that he was beginning his math homework. There have been three occasions in the ten collective years of elementary school that I have been pulled down the rabbit hole. I consider this a combination of incredible luck and parenting prowess. Luck because my boys are Read more […]

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December 6, 2016

No more f’ing stuff. Holiday shopping for kids who have what they need

If your house is like mine you navigate a Lego minefield and dine amongst art supplies. You sniff stuffed animals for cat pee, refold unworn sweaters and search fruitlessly for the dice of a thousand board games. We don’t need any more stuff. Yet the season of giving is steamrolling towards us. Our house features both eight nights of Hannukah and a visit from Santa. This means we are overcome with 9 days of wrapping paper and stuff to store and ignore. This year things are going to be different. With Read more […]

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December 5, 2016

Mind Blowing Sex can be anti-climactic

It was 4:30 on a Thursday and Steve and I were shut in the bathroom to avoid the two and four legged beasts in our house. It wasn’t supposed to be intimate or life-changing. This was the check in kind of sex. The type that says “I remember you.” A quick release and a promise of more to come. Instead I ended on the floor unable to see or stand. My mind blown. The pain in my head went way beyond childbirth. There was no number on the scale for what I felt. The clutching at the back of my neck Read more […]

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