I am going to resist starting this post out with a dick joke. Sort of. I have returned from Las Vegas and my very first blogging conference. I arrived home with full arms, heart and belly. In so many ways I was not hungry. A new feeling for me.
When I left I was nervous that I would feel lonely. Most of the conferences I have attended are a bit like high school flashbacks where you walk slowly into a ballroom waiting to bawl, holding your breakfast tray wondering which of these women who already have friends are going to pay as much attention to you as their pastries. Here the answer was all of them. It wasn’t just the welcoming women that made me feel like I was surrounded by family. It was my literal family too.
Thursday afternoon I ate a fish taco by the pool and thought about how much my boys would enjoy a swim. Both to reach out and to rub it in I sent the a picture of the turquoise water. Steve responded by booking tickets to Vegas. Five hours later I was sharing a bed with Leo feeling not at all alone.
The sponsors provided a ridiculous amount of shwag.
My favorite, obviously, was the Tito’s vodka (they know me!) which is not pictured here because it didn’t make it to day two of the conference. Vibrant Nation, Cabot, John Hancock, Chicos, domain.me, and many more decided that this particular group of bloggers created enough of a media storm to get in front of us and get their products into our hands.
More important than the speakers and the sponsors were the writers themselves. I would tell you all about my new tribe, but Carol already did. On the first night I met Heather who lives twenty minutes from me and writes at twiddlingmythumbs.com. Despite being a new-ish blogger she garnered my “fuck your husband post” 3,000+ hits by sharing it to the ridiculously funny Mommy drinks Wine and Swears facebook page. In addition to the thousands of hits, hundreds of twitter followers, and suitcase full of goodies I returned with 10 extra pounds. Sadly these pounds were not in my suitcase.
While my family hiked canyons and scaled sphinxes I sat on my butt and ate. Pastries, donuts, pasta, potato chips, fries, and so so so many desserts. The resort had these tiny ball of sugar which were gold and silver leafed. Despite my love of savory food this bit of bling made the difference. Here is a dessert that I had for lunch. When I got on the scale it shouldn’t have surprised me that I was at my all time high. Unlike the last time I focused on being fat I did not find myself sinking under the weight of my weight.
Before I left Steve and I had made a plan. Today is our first day of phase 1 of eating plan from “Always Hungry.” For two weeks we will follow the recipes eating 50% fat, 25% protein and 25% carbs. Despite those odd numbers our shopping cart was FILLED with veggies. Breakfast today was meal one.
This morning I am motivated by the women I spent the weekend with, the man I spend my life with, and me. The path to feeling full seems navigable. I am ready to give it a go. In eight weeks I hope that I can practice child’s pose and feel repose instead of my belly. I want to walk uphill without it feeling like I am carrying Sisyphus’ rock. I know that hunger comes from more than an empty belly.
I will not always be hungry. I feel ready to feel full of something other than food.