Move over Apples to Apples, I have a new favorite apple game.

(And blog)

So if you are too lazy to click the link and read the well written rules by the game founder I will botch them here.

Every person has three layers. (Stuff it biologists) Skin, flesh, and core. Like an apple, see.

At each layer you can be either good or bad. (Shove it people looking for nuance- this is a game)

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1) GOOD-GOOD-GOOD

Their Deal: Saints through and through; everyone else other than BAD-GOOD-GOODs makes them a bit uncomfortable; they totally underestimate how bad bad people actually are.

Why They’re Great: The world needs some people like this to hold everything together; they’re intensely trustworthy.

Why They’re Shitty: They have potential to suck the fun out of the room; they disapprove of a lot of things.

2) BAD-GOOD-GOOD

Their Deal: They turn new people off only to be revealed as positively wonderful when you get to know them. GOOD-GOOD-GOODs like to make a token BAD-GOOD-GOOD friend to keep people on their toes.

Why They’re Great: They’re utterly solid; they detest both phoniness and pettiness; people tend to respect them; they make great leaders.

Why They’re Shitty: Their ego might be slightly too thrilled with its little “standoffish yet wonderful” thing.

3) GOOD-BAD-GOOD

Their Deal: Their friends chuckle when new people talk about how nice they are; they tend to be friends with a lot of other GOOD-BAD-GOODs; they often feel like they’re worse people than they actually are.

Why They’re Great: Usually fun and often funny; great social skills.

Why They’re Shitty: They can be both phony and petty, but nothing too dire.

4) BAD-BAD-GOOD

Their Deal: They intimidate a lot of people and turn off others, but their friends think they’re the best and fiercely defend them. Most of their friends are other BAD-BAD-GOODS with some GOOD-BAD-GOODS and some BAD-BAD-BADs sprinkled in.

Why They’re Great: They’re kind of a dick but at least they’re a kind-hearted dick.

Why They’re Shitty: They’re kind of a dick.

5) GOOD-GOOD-BAD

Their Deal: Dangerous people; they win a lot of people over and end up hurting a lot of people; they make friends with GOOD-GOOD-GOODs, and then have nasty falling outs with them.

Why They’re Great: As far as Bad Core people go, they’re at least making the world a better place a lot of the time; strong profile for political success.

Why They’re Shitty: The people they do harm are the ones closest to them; they’re highly manipulative.

6) BAD-GOOD-BAD

Their Deal: This is a weird and rare profile, and usually happens when a not-so-great person is carefully crafting their persona; they’re often delusional, thinking of themselves as a BAD-GOOD-GOOD (“People think I’m a dick but people who know me know I’m a great person”) and denying all ties to their bad core; they break a lot of hearts.

Why They’re Great: Good profile for success in a cutthroat industry (their bad skin can provide the proper intimidation, their good flesh can build a large trusting network, and their bad core can focus singlehandedly on personal advancement at all costs and fuck people over when necessary).

Why They’re Shitty: They’re pretty shitty people.

7) GOOD-BAD-BAD

Their Deal: Everyone’s fun friend who turns out to also just kind of be a huge asshole. Lots of falling outs with GOOD-BAD-GOOD friends after hitting it off beautifully.

Why They’re Great: Amazing as a Real Housewives cast member.

Why They’re Shitty: Biggest phonies of the bunch.

8) BAD-BAD-BAD

Their Deal: Just a good old fashion bad person. Sometimes friends will try to spin the narrative that their BAD-BAD-BAD friend is really a BAD-BAD-GOOD, but no one really believes it. They don’t really understand people with Good Cores but detest both GOOD-GOOD-BADs and BAD-GOOD-BADs for both thinking and trying to project to the world that they’re better than BAD-BAD-BADs—BBBs see right through it.

Why They’re Great: They’re neither phony nor delusional; often make great standup comedians; great mafia profile.

Why They’re Shitty: Do you really have to ask why they’re shitty?

 

So now lets get back to me.

I am a b-g-g. See, utterly wonderful underneath. I have to say though…sometimes the flesh of the apple can have some bruises. I think I have some of those. Bits you just don’t really want at all. I think I might be one of those nuance people who I just told to shove it. The profile just doesn’t seem to provide a full picture of the essential ME.  Play away. Post your apple profile below. If you are a bbb just go ahead and come up with your pseudonym now.

How about them apples?

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Anna Rosenblum Palmer is a freelance writer based in Denver, CO. She writes about sex, parenting, cat pee, bi-polar disorder and the NFL; all things inextricably intertwined with her mental health. In her free time she teaches her boys creative swear words, seeks the last missing puzzle piece and thinks deeply about how she is not exercising. Her writing can be found on Babble, Parent.co, Great Moments in Parenting, Ravishly, Good Men Project, Sammiches and Psych Meds, Playpen, Crazy Good Parent, and YourTango. She also does a fair amount of navel gazing on her own blog at annarosenblumpalmer.com.

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