Category / death/dying

March 15, 2017

Getting off.

For the last decade of my father’s life he was a virtual shut it. He shuffled down the glass hallway between our house and studio in his slippers sloshing coffee as he went. By the end of each week it were as though our tiles were cow patterned with each brown splash on the white ceramic background. Each Thursday they were mopped clean leaving him a fresh palate for the upcoming days. He wore a stretched grey sweatsuit and his sculpting assistant who camped in the loft above his gymnasium sized Read more […]

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February 14, 2017

Love and Death. Another reason to loathe Valentine’s day

Roses are red, violets are blue. I hate Valentine’s day, how about you? Some of us are alone as highlighted by Hallmark. Some of us are together and plasticize our partnership with cheap candy and forced flowers. Some of us recycle flimsy cards from our classmates. And some of us celebrate our father’s death.   This weekend I went to a memorial celebration of a man who died way way before his time. He was a rebel and a Patriots lover. He was a polarizing figure and a phenomenal Read more […]

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September 19, 2016

Noneday

Trigger warning…this post might make Monday worse. In fact, by starting with a g-damned trigger warning it already has. Also- reminder I am an expert on virtually nothing other than being a lazy parent and wearing comfortable shoes. So take my recommendations with a shaker of salt. I started my day down a rabbit hole. It was my own fault…mine and pretty much all of you. I read about superbugs and sadly I don’t mean turbo charged Volkswagon. In Ferris Jabr’s New York times article that Read more […]

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September 1, 2016

The shallow end

“I still can’t wear mascara” she tells her friend. She is in tailored pants, a fitted T shirt hugging her curves with toned tan arms holding her 1/2 caf skinny latte. She has chunky jewelry, brand named sandals and professionally colored blond hair. “You look great.” her friend tells her, truthfully. “People are going to look at me and be like, what is up with her.” I guess because of the mascara. I am listening to her and wondering ‘what is up with her.’ My ginger peach tea is ready at the drinks Read more […]

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March 16, 2016

What a long strange trip it’s been.

There is a fair chance that not a single one of you will weave through the trip I have below. It is my trip. But it is also my blog. There are times when I think I am writing about something personal and it seems to resonate with you…so I invite you to join me in the journey I took between 4pm and 2am yesterday/today. At 4pm I watched Tim Urban’s TED talk. For those of you who don’t know or read the blog Wait But Why I offer you the gift insight, humor, and research in the form of that Read more […]

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March 8, 2016

Why I was a cheating cheater

Couple cheating

It’s easy enough to blame my affair on my dead dad. The Husband My husband and I met at Brown University. J was tall and golden and tanned. I imagined myself with someone dark and nebbish. He was a swimmer who wrote passionate stories and grew his own pot. My imaginary partner and I would sit to avoid our four left feet and stay out of trouble doing a crossword. My future husband would never be satisfied by such a simple grid. He created his own world snowboarding out of bounds, losing himself Read more […]

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February 14, 2016

16 years ago today my father died

Sixteen years ago today my father died. He has been gone for almost half of my life. Functionally it is more than that, as he has not met my husband or my children, seen where I lived, experienced things I have created and dismantled. Thinking of him has gone from every painful minute to daily to weekly to monthly. I talk about his preference for a certain candy bar when shopping with the boys, but it is fact more than his essence. Like a memory triggered by a picture the story conforms Read more […]

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October 1, 2015

Letting Go

This weekend is the fiftieth meeting of the Wellfleet Psychohistory Group.  These doctors and scholars gather on Cape Cod every October when the heath and heather turn to their purples and rusts. They meet surrounded by the scrub brush of the National Seashore with a broad view of the Atlantic’s transition from blue to grey as it lets go of the summer sunshine. The sea shore that is their setting was founded by Kennedy in 1961, only four years before these meetings began. My generation thinks Read more […]

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March 26, 2014

How old are you?

Birthday cake

When I was a little girl my mother used to tell me that she wanted to freeze me at “this” age. “This” being whatever age I was during our conversation. This form of appreciation ended around 14 where presumably she wanted me to just keep growing up from there. I used to laugh at her, but now I am doing some age freezing of my own. Unlike my mother it is not my kids that I want to freeze but myself. “Want to” is the wrong word. I really like getting older. Yet as the calendar moves forward my Read more […]

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March 3, 2014

Bookends

It is rare for a teenager to ask questions, but this one does. After I get home from drinks with a friend, writers group, or a meeting we chat. He has lived enough to have preferences and interests and to know his strengths and weaknesses, but not how these will shape his life. It is all possible, sports and engineering, philosophy and invention, big cities and small towns. He wants to know what it is like not to work. He asks without judgement, thinking that the more he hears the more he will Read more […]

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