Category / depression

March 15, 2017

Getting off.

For the last decade of my father’s life he was a virtual shut it. He shuffled down the glass hallway between our house and studio in his slippers sloshing coffee as he went. By the end of each week it were as though our tiles were cow patterned with each brown splash on the white ceramic background. Each Thursday they were mopped clean leaving him a fresh palate for the upcoming days. He wore a stretched grey sweatsuit and his sculpting assistant who camped in the loft above his gymnasium sized Read more […]

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July 25, 2016

Egomaniac

Anna Rosenblum Palmer egomaniac.

When Steve types my name into Facebook search it returns the result “Anna Rosenblum Palmer egomaniac”. This upsets him. But it doesn’t bother me. (See, that’s what an egomaniac would say). I spend almost every morning writing about myself. Then I often share what I wrote. At its best blogging allows readers to see the world through another person’s eyes. Sometimes they are enlightened by the differences in lifestyle and world view from their own. Sometimes they are comforted by the similarities Read more […]

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May 24, 2016

The Gummy Bear Rorschach Test

Gummy Bear Rorschach

The first time I saw this picture (oh be quiet, you know you have a picture of gelatin desserts that you look at once a week too) I thought our little guy in the front was looking pretty jaunty. He was off to have a day of some sort. Probably a sweet day. He was no longer a mashed mess of bear limbs in a bag. I couldn’t quite see his expression (perhaps because his face just sort of fades away into a blob) but I imagined him smiling. Today? Today he looks like he has turned away from the Read more […]

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March 16, 2016

What a long strange trip it’s been.

There is a fair chance that not a single one of you will weave through the trip I have below. It is my trip. But it is also my blog. There are times when I think I am writing about something personal and it seems to resonate with you…so I invite you to join me in the journey I took between 4pm and 2am yesterday/today. At 4pm I watched Tim Urban’s TED talk. For those of you who don’t know or read the blog Wait But Why I offer you the gift insight, humor, and research in the form of that Read more […]

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March 14, 2016

Drowning from the inside out- what depression feels like

boat to keep from drowning in depression

I am trying to hold onto the words but they are as weightless as I am. In this moment all of my physical mass has left me. My ability to stand firmly on the earth is gone and I am aware of the slippery tiles beneath me. I am not sure I will stay upright. I am in the shower with Steve, a practice we began when the boys were so little that the only way to get through the day was to literally double dip, grabbing a moment together before we were back out on the battlefield of parenting young children. Read more […]

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February 5, 2016

Snow-Kissed…Managing anger in a fairy tale life.

I remember the bulbs, squirrel eaten and buried upside down. They will have to fight their way through human error and forces of nature to open their faces to the sun. We planted them together my boys and I, looking ahead. Today the ground is snow-kissed..the bulbs blanketed in their sleep. Inside the boys are bundled in their own blankets, the plastic fleece gone from soft to pointed peaks with lots of laundering. I wonder what happened to cotton, why is it not the fabric of OUR lives. It washes Read more […]

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January 13, 2016

The friendship equation. Solving for the unknowns.

friends hiking

Outside of my family the person I see most is someone I haven’t spoken to in nine years. We don’t live in the same state anymore, but when I am in a certain state of mind he visits me, sometimes helpful, sometimes mocking, always too slippery to hold on to. For the first handful of years after our break up I nursed my pain. I was energized by the hot spike of indignation I felt when I told our story and his ultimate betrayal. I would tease out the ways in which he was wrong, the ways he failed Read more […]

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December 1, 2015

Ten (thousand) things depression and pain have in common

For six weeks I have had a pain in the neck. As distinct from other times in my life when I have been a pain in the neck this discomfort is inflicted on me…not by me. I have some sort of cervical impingement on a nerve and also, either through coincidence or dark magic, I have radial nerve involvement. Which means that for the last 60,480 minutes I have been in pain.  This pain ranges from moderate to childbirth transition bad or 4-400,000 on the pain scale. If I were in the hospital and were Read more […]

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September 1, 2015

Such a Pill

Standing in the sunshine chatting with a friend while she waters our community garden our talk turns from carrots and beets (why is it that 40 something women love beets?) to drugs. Despite being in Colorado, and standing amongst buds and leaves we are not talking about the green kind, but the pink oval pills that get me out of bed each day. She works in the field and confirms what I have been reading and experiencing myself…our system is providing less support for mental illness, exactly at Read more […]

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