This is a rant for my blogging buddies. The rest of you might want to tune back in when I am writing about bras, or kids, or drugs. I made myself a desk. First Steve and I took everything out of the office. The office is a 10×10 room that is clown car full of games and homework and beer posters and clay figures and dead plants. It is home to 6 mismatched chairs and all of the electronics that are somewhere between life and death. (Much closer to death). It has bank statements and tax returns Read more […]
Read MoreCategory / Rants
September 28, 2016
Not so Great Expectations: Living Life with a Low Bar
This is a story of low expectations. For two weeks I have had drippy itchy eyes. Staying physically on the verge of tears has changed my mood. Scientists as far back as Darwin have suggested that “(e)ven the simulation of an emotion tends to arouse it in our minds.” So for two weeks I have felt sad. Earlier this week in the midst of my pervasive sadness allergies I drove two delightful friends visiting Vermont on a tour of Denver hot spots. During our journey I exposed them to unavoidable Read more […]
Read MoreJuly 13, 2016
Pokemon Go on Home
The Holocaust Museum reportedly posted a sign telling visitors to stop catching Pokemon there. If you don’t understand how ridiculous this is you are either too young or too old to be reading this blog. As a 40 something jew I am the perfect demographic for, well, my own life. Which is an uplifting thought. Not uplifting? Catching imaginary cartoon beasts in a building designed to remind us of the worst of humanity, and to kindle the flames of hope that we can persevere through great atrocity. Read more […]
Read MoreMay 26, 2016
The mom bra
She deemed me a 40G which I joked sounded more like an apartment number than a bra size.
Read MoreMay 5, 2016
How not to snuggle a claustrophobe
Elevators, airplanes, playing “hide and go seek” in the refrigerator…they are all terrifying. The combination of small metal container, limited supply of oxygen and me creates the exact anxious reaction you would expect from a claustrophobe. Increased heart rate, clammy sweating, and the inability to take in air. The only things my lungs are good for when I feel trapped is screaming. Despite my extreme reaction this type of claustrophobia is not a big problem in my life. I can avoid those Read more […]
Read MoreMarch 21, 2016
What can go wrong….(moaning about Monday)
Shall. On a Monday. I am not a Monday hater. I see grumpy cat memes and listen to pop songs lamenting another school week and I shrug. At least I used to shrug when I could move my shoulders. Now I just mentally shrug and on good days lets add a knowing chuckle where I am both “with you” and “above you” Monday moaners. Steve steps it up even more and walks around with a Weekends are Overrated t -shirt on…issuing a challenge to the undercaffeinated. Now that he works from home I am the Read more […]
Read MoreMarch 1, 2016
Suck My Caucus
When I was a little girl my mother would take me into the voting booth with her and let me pull the large metal level. It was the reverse of the slot machine…we were eschewing luck, examining and exerting out opinions. Until I moved to Colorado 18 months ago I had never missed and election. Sometimes I voted with absentee ballots, other times I brought my boys for some scantron and baked goods. I always went early in the morning to wear my “I voted” sticker as a badge of honor and wordless reminder Read more […]
Read MoreOctober 29, 2015
Piss off pumpkin
Dear pumpkin, You have haunted me like the holiday you belong to. Beginning in September, when it was 80 degrees in most spots you and your spooky spices started showing up on chalkboards everywhere. What sort of exorcism will I need to get you out of Trader Joe’s? At first I thought you were just all over the flyer…but no. You have overtaken endcaps, you are on the top shelves and the tasting area. You are in baked goods (reasonable) coffees (gross) and beer (I have no words.) How Read more […]
Read MoreOctober 13, 2015
This Mouth Is On Fire
I grew up just a few miles from the first Trader Joe’s store that opened its door outside of the West. Yet I never stepped through them. TJ’s goodies were all around during my young adulthood my friends were brand ambassadors before there was a term for it. If the store had offered services on Sundays many of them would have made their way into the hallowed rows of frozen delicacies. Trader Joe’s opened in Vermont a month after I moved away, but my indoctrination came at the same time as my Read more […]
Read MoreOctober 9, 2015
Redaction
Redaction. This gives me a great way to edit complaints enough to pretend to see bright spots, even though it feels like a lazy cheat because I have already done this. The Denver sun shines bright today giving me yet another wicked ass headache. I will never be done with the IRS, the very day following the news that I won my IRS audit I got more bad news from my accountant about 2014. The Denver Public Schools system is screening a great documentary about racism, that left me feeling Read more […]
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