Category / Relationships

October 26, 2018

5,468 days.

He stands, arms outstretched, holding my towel out for me to step into. “I am your towel rack” But are you my heated towel rack I ask him. We had left the bathroom store Wordlessly he brings the towel to his mouth and begins blowing on it like he did when our boys lost their mittens in the Vermont winters. He would be crouched down scratchy face to shiny one. Both of his large hands would wrap around the little dimples one and he would lower his face and warm freezing fingers. “You are Read more […]

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October 20, 2016

Naked Cowboys and f***ing Oysters

Oysters have a reputation. They get around and they get you to get around. So you might have read the title of this post as a euphemism. But it is not. It is a lament. When my mother called to tell me that she had a horrible stomach bug from oysters I didn’t really believe her. I thought of all of the times we discussed our lives of privilege  and wondered if complaining over oysters was perhaps the pinnacle of whining on the yacht. Then, as my kids say, I searched it up on the internet and Read more […]

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July 11, 2016

My second to last first date

It is the end of another long night at my bar. I am spitting out orders to the closing staff, and swallowing the last sip of my single drink of the night. A medium sized man approaches me. Despite the late hour he is unlike the other drinkers who linger. His calm surrounds him in a cloud and I want to step into it. I can’t quite tell which celebrity he looks like. But one of them. It remains just on the outskirts of my brain as we talk, and I am distracted by this and his forearms while he asks Read more […]

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June 2, 2016

You married the wrong person. Now what?

By now you have all read (or ignored) Alain De Botton’s (ADB’s- if I can call him that) NYTimes opinion piece…”Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person.” If you chose to ignore it you should read it. This is not my first blog post. I know that very few of you clicked that link, so I will boil down De Botton’s beautifully reasoned piece with less lyricism and more lyrics. Fields of Gold. People used to marry to get more fields (or gold, or titles or whatever.) That was the marriage of reason. More Read more […]

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May 12, 2016

Married sex

Married sex

All you need to do is look at Oliver and Leo to see that our sex life is not a new thing. In the early days we couldn’t keep our hands off of each other. Each road trip had arms crossed and fingers on thighs, each nap was a tangle of body parts. It didn’t take long for that to cool. Kids, jobs, house renovations, we found our thrills and escapes in places other than each other’s bodies. At least I did. Then one morning it changed… I heard him pad softly into the room mere minutes after I Read more […]

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May 10, 2016

She is a Total Pussy- trouble with my live in love

Pussy Cat

She is a total pussy: intimacy issues with my live in love. It has been almost a year since I invited her into my house, began to care for her, paying her doctors bills, buying her dinner, cleaning up after her when she got sick. I had visions for a future of mutual contentment. I thought she would be someone to share my life with, someone to cuddle up with at the end of a hard day. Instead I have learned that she has intimacy issues. She seems incapable of meeting my needs. She thinks I don’t Read more […]

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April 28, 2016

Tiny transgressions that erode an excellent marriage

couple beyond transgressions

Maintaining a happy marriage requires communication, team work, flexibility…in the bedroom and in the world outside of it. This post is about none of that. It is about the little things. The tiny transgressions that work so slowly to undermine the foundation of your marriage that you don’t even know that they are eroding things. If you look out for these little things you might just avoid the way the upset can upset your relationship. When you choose share your life, bed, car, and dishwasher Read more […]

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April 25, 2016

A subtraction to celebrate- the math of divorce.


In a world of mindfulness and gratitude we are mistaken to ignore the strength that it takes to take away. Sometimes things can’t be fixed by meditation and a green juice. The simple problem of parents plus kids equals a happy family might not last past first grade math.  A life of addition can easily change to one of subtraction. For some it leads to divorce for better and for worse. I went out this weekend to celebrate a friend who has come out the other side of a divorce. At 24 years Read more […]

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March 28, 2016

The single question to ask to keep your marriage strong

The post on marriage was originally published on the Good Men Project. I was a kiss ass in school. Anything less than an A left me lingering at the elbow of the teacher wondering what I could do better. I wasn’t a sporty sort, so my version of a trophy came in the form of triplicate tri-fold carried with pride to present to my parents. Whether you loved your reports cards or loathed them, whether being coached catalyzed you or made you cringe I bet most of that regular feedback ended with your Read more […]

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March 25, 2016

Parents, Patience and roaming Rome

When this post goes live I will be in Rome with Steve, the boys, and my mom. I don’t know much about my time and internet access so I have have scheduled a few posts to keep my blog from staying stuck on a Monday… We are all getting excited. Oliver has packed his carry on…I have made multiple lists reminding me to gather my meds…Leo is talking plane snacks…Steve has printed maps and created spreadsheets of train time tables…my mom? She alternately texts me saying that we should “take Read more […]

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