Category / Sex

October 11, 2017

Boots and boobs

It is that point in the party where everyone is leaning in a little too closely and speaking a little too loudly. We have stopped talking about middle school and started talking about boobs. “Mine are bigger.” She tells me. I don’t really need to answer. First of all MINE are bigger but second of all I don’t really need to have this conversation. Earlier in the evening the two of us were sitting together by the fire pit strategizing about our party plan. We both anticipating an early night. Read more […]

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December 5, 2016

Mind Blowing Sex can be anti-climactic

It was 4:30 on a Thursday and Steve and I were shut in the bathroom to avoid the two and four legged beasts in our house. It wasn’t supposed to be intimate or life-changing. This was the check in kind of sex. The type that says “I remember you.” A quick release and a promise of more to come. Instead I ended on the floor unable to see or stand. My mind blown. The pain in my head went way beyond childbirth. There was no number on the scale for what I felt. The clutching at the back of my neck Read more […]

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June 2, 2016

You married the wrong person. Now what?

By now you have all read (or ignored) Alain De Botton’s (ADB’s- if I can call him that) NYTimes opinion piece…”Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person.” If you chose to ignore it you should read it. This is not my first blog post. I know that very few of you clicked that link, so I will boil down De Botton’s beautifully reasoned piece with less lyricism and more lyrics. Fields of Gold. People used to marry to get more fields (or gold, or titles or whatever.) That was the marriage of reason. More Read more […]

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May 12, 2016

Married sex

Married sex

All you need to do is look at Oliver and Leo to see that our sex life is not a new thing. In the early days we couldn’t keep our hands off of each other. Each road trip had arms crossed and fingers on thighs, each nap was a tangle of body parts. It didn’t take long for that to cool. Kids, jobs, house renovations, we found our thrills and escapes in places other than each other’s bodies. At least I did. Then one morning it changed… I heard him pad softly into the room mere minutes after I Read more […]

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April 20, 2016

Three tools to bring your sexlife to its peak

The very best vibrator for your sexlife

My husband and I have a lot of sex. Better than that we have a lot of great sex.  In the past month we made three purchases that improved an already good thing. Here comes the affiliate link disclaimer. There are no links. I am not getting paid. Except in the odd knowledge that I might be adding to your personal pleasure in the future. Coconut oil. This is not a new tip from me. Its great on furniture and penises. It is smooth and delicious in stir fries and vaginas. There is no need to choose…we Read more […]

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February 29, 2016

I have more to say about Vaginas

waxed legs and high heels

What it comes down to down there is that the middle aged vagina shows it’s story the way the middle aged face does. Kids and love and lust have all left their mark. Why would we erase that?

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February 25, 2016

12 best pick up lines for a schlubby Know-It-All

What do you do when you show up to a fancy party alone in sneakers and a fleece covered in cat hair? Find the nearest object of your attraction and try out one of these can’t lose pick up lines.  Hold up your foot and ask “Do you want to touch my aglet now, or save it for tonight?” If you are met with confusion circle your foot to get your sneaker laces dancing and explain that the aglet is the hard part of the lace that stands up when you excite it like this. Lean in close and stare deeply Read more […]

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October 22, 2015

My vagina is a slacker

  My Vagina I am not a modest woman. I am writing about my vagina for fuck’s sake. But still it is tough times on the table, and I am not yet in the stirrups. I sit in my miserable paper robe, called “huge” by the chipper weighing woman, but barely closing with its mismatched ties. It doesn’t have enough slack to cover me. My MD When the doctor breezes in she is younger than I am. This should not be a surprise, but it is. She sits on her wheelie chair and leans agains the wall Read more […]

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December 18, 2013

Guide to marrying up (without using the internet.)

Steve is hot, has a job that he likes/loves depending on the month, does 100% of our cooking, 75% of our housework, is incredible with our kids, makes me laugh, brings me tea in bed, and drives me around when I ask him to. In addition to my charm, excellent parenting philosophy, and decidedly good dowry I have a few flaws. I am obese, grow strange things off of my back, am super lazy, and require a fair amount of attention, wait I mean space, no I meant attention, actually space (and the ability Read more […]

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