My normal confident food ordering had deserted me after my clown car like meeting arrival

Parked at coffee shop for 7:00 meeting, shop closed, walked to office. Went back to move car because the business already has tight parking, took difficult right onto shelburne rd due to others not using mirrors for reversing out of said parking lot. Drove the long way around the block to head to next meeting which was literally across the street from the first meeting, (but remember I needed to move my car) so I drove, then sighed with upset about not being able to take a right into the parking lot of cafe. Waited for super slow light that had a big no right turn sign even though the intersection was empty. Squeezed into a too tight parking spot (I am a sucky Parker) went to go to cafe. Cafe closed. Considered walking back to coffee shop (revised meeting location) once again decided car should really be in my own parking spot. Waited to exit lot. A woman held her car back for me to enter in front of her into the right turn lane. I, however, was going straight so I tried to both wave her on and explain that I was going straight but thank you for offering, that gesture was about as comprehensible as it sounds, so she flips me off. Really. I wait for the line of cars to go through. I miss the light. I pull I to the straight lane. Almost. A bit of the mini van is blocking the right turn lane, and a bit is blocking the turn radius, but its the best I can do. I wait through a light cycle. I cross intersection. I wait to pull into my office driveway but there is a line of cars blocking it. I wait my turn. A car behind me honks. I park at my office and walk to the coffee shop 20 steps away.

19 minutes
Net distance traveled 0.0 miles.

Finally at the counter I stood at the front of the line unsure about my baked good. I didn’t actually want any of the baked goods but my day had started at 6:00am and was running until 9:00 pm and I didn’t know if I could make it without the spikes and dips of a gluten induced blood sugar roller coaster. Zucchini muffin or granola bar? I asked the counter clerk. He seemed more stumped than I about the decision, and clearly hasn’t been instructed on upselling, so we stared at each other while an entire line of people shifted uncomfortable behind me.

Do you want moist or dry?

Asked the very tall customer behind me.

I shoved aside the “that’s what she said” retort, and also pushed back my fascination with the vocal minority of the population that despises the word moist. What’s wrong with it people? Are you the same people that can’t smell asparagus pee? Or whose ear loves slant into your necks?

Zucchini muffin it is.

Sometimes you just need a framework for making a decision.

Particularly because in my world view there is never anything a crisp “right” and “wrong”. I feel about the word right the way you people feel about the word moist. It makes my skin crawl. Steve told me he thought I had made the right choice yesterday. I told him the word was loaded. He said “would you rather me say correct?” I barely submit to the concept that 4 is the correct answer to 2+2. Maybe in our current version of mathematical thinking but really who knows. Will the 4 still be 4 tomorrow?

But for this morning I have my framework of relative moisture content and the zucchini muffin is more moist.

So I guess that is right for right now.

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Anna Rosenblum Palmer is a freelance writer based in Denver, CO. She writes about sex, parenting, cat pee, bi-polar disorder and the NFL; all things inextricably intertwined with her mental health. In her free time she teaches her boys creative swear words, seeks the last missing puzzle piece and thinks deeply about how she is not exercising. Her writing can be found on Babble, Parent.co, Great Moments in Parenting, Ravishly, Good Men Project, Sammiches and Psych Meds, Playpen, Crazy Good Parent, and YourTango. She also does a fair amount of navel gazing on her own blog at annarosenblumpalmer.com.

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