We worry about teaching our kids resiliency, kindness and how to eat a balanced meal. We are focused on the wrong things. If your kid can’t make a penis joke you have more parenting to do.
1. You kids understand penis humor
Me: “I like a firm banana.”
11 year old: giggle.
9 year old: “what’s funny? Wait…are you talking about penises?”
11 year old: “Why yes, yes she is”
9 year old: “Thought so.”
2. Your kids express a feeling of cosmic emptiness. 
11 yo: “You know what’s depressing? ”
Me: “That supergirl is a re-run?”
11 yo: (ignoring my guess) “Most of an atom is made up of wasted space. And we are made up of atoms. So we are mostly wasted space. ”
3. Your kids are mature beyond their years.
Setting: Jungle Garden feeding flamingos some years back
Me: “I wonder what age you will be when you don’t want to come here.”
10yo: “No age, there will never be an age where I am not happy here.”
Me: “I’m glad you feel that way, but I have to imagine that at 16 you won’t really want to do much of anything.”
9 yo chimes in: “Are you saying I am 16?”
4. Your kids know how to handle bad hair days.
Me: “Do kids ever mention your hair when you go to school like this?”
11yo: “Sure, I just tell them it is bed head. Then if they ask again I tell them I already gave them an explanation and its not going to change.”
Somehow my 11 year old has gone to the Bill Belichick school of interviewing.
5. Your kids believe in justice for all.
9 yo (a little bit gleeful): “What would happen if there was no law against stealing?”
me: “What do you think? How would you stop people from stealing your things?”
10 yo: “Civil agreement.”
9yo: (even more gleeful) “Guns and knives!”
6. Your kids can manage screentime.
Me: “The average boy spends 12 hours a week on screentime.”
10yo: “I am no average boy.”
The fact that he says this while using the computer as a mirror to fix his hair is not lost on me.
7. Your kids’ jokes are actually funny.
Me: “Have we ever watched the movie Groundhog Day together?
10 yo: “Yeah…like every day.”
8. Your kids take an interest in sports.
While watching my beloved Patriots play there is an impressive tackle.
9yo: “Why are they trying to kill that person?”
Me: “They aren’t they are just trying to stop him.”
9yo: “Stop him from breathing?”
9. Your kids teach you not to interrupt.
9yo: “You will never be your best.
Me: “That isn’t very uplifting.
9yo: (rolling his eyes at me as he continues to make his point) “Because once you reach your best there is immediately a new best that you can be.”
10. Your kids understand nutrition.
9 yo: “The french fries are the protagonist in my meal. The ketchup is the antagonist.”
I didn’t document that particular meal because it was in fact comprised of only french fries and ketchup (a vegetable.)
This picture features another wholesome combination..and the appreciation my son felt for his supper.
11.Your kids can make penis jokes.
10 yo: “Florida is America’s penis…which explains why it is always so damp.”
9yo: “You are Florida.”
10yo: “You are right. I am hot.”
Because I have nailed this parenting thing I knew not to include an actual picture of a penis in this post.
Wondering how I managed to remember all of these quotes? Using Notabli. Check it out.
Also…my top two parenting books.
How to talk so your kids will listen…and listen so your kids will talk.
Will you adopt me! I need to roll with these two for a week I believe they could teach me some new interesting ways to use the English language!
And then you’d teach them how to make massive bonfires.
Definitely!
By rubbing two sharp knives together to make sparks.
You are crushing the parenting game. I’ve got a 2.5 year old that could use you. I’ll send him to Denver?
I’m on it.
Great post – read it the other day but the device I was on was uncooperative about commenting.
This is exactly the sort of stuff that happens between me and Kidzilla. I kid you not. So, clearly, I have this parenting thing down and I fully intend to proceed as normal from here. 😀 And oh, if only “I already gave an explanation and it’s not going to change was that effective on the children…
Sounds like you’re doing a great job with the kiddos. 🙂
I’ll keep them for now.
I needed this one tonight! LOL
I used to beat myself up about the way I handled my kids as a younger mother. But my style and theirs was very similar to your family. They’re in their twenties now and they turned out to be well mannered and respectable adults…so the parenting worked despite my doubts.
We don’t want zombies for kids. It’s nice to see others are comfortable bringing up individuals with minds of their own and a great sense of humor. Keep up the good work!
Thank you. I am glad to hear it turned out well for you. Some days are easier than others over here…
I love this! Your kids are so smart and hilarious – definitely nailed parenting!
Seems like talking about penises is very important in your family since you posted it first AND last. I’ll make a note to start on my 2 year old immediately…
It is NEVER too early to begin discussion of important topics.