Here are 42 ways I feel old (er), even though obviously I am NOT OLD.

  1. I spent an entire year not knowing how old I was. Today I turn 42. Yet for the past 360 days I thought I was 42 already. Lets call this a bonus year rather than calling last year a lost year, shall we?
  2. I see 3am more than I see 10:30pm.
  3.  I am up wee hours with literal or figurative indigestion. Both bad. Only one can be fixed by Tums.
  4. A lovely dish of Tums graces my bedside. (see #3)
  5. I say “its too loud” 20 times more than I say “turn that up.” Although come to think of it that may be a sign that I am NOT old.
  6. I like tea more than vodka.
  7. My neck and shoulder have been hurting for, like, ever.
  8. One of the first things I did when we moved to Denver is find a CSA.
  9. I see a chiropractor more than a hair dresser. Which would be true even IF I didn’t cut my own hair.
  10. Picking up our CSA is one of the top ten activities in my week.
  11. I know the phone number of my doctors office.
  12. I have a doctors office. Like every healthy lady of childbearing age I used to only have an OBGYN. What else did I need?
  13. I have been a mother for more than a decade.
  14. Scarves.
  15. I have lived in 15 houses. Although that might have more to do with a certain Zillow addiction than age. But even at the rate that I move it takes a more than a few decades to get to 15 houses.
  16. My kids work the TV better than I do. Which is obviously the fault of the incompatibility of the “smart” TV and DirectTV but still…they seem to have navigated.
  17. I eat dark chocolate instead of milk chocolate. If that is not a sign of maturity I don’t know what is…
  18. I wash my face and brush my teeth without my mother reminding me. EVERY DAY.
  19. I make my bed. I like having my bed made. Two signs in one bed.
  20. I like throw pillows. Steve likes to throw the pillows. Win Win.
  21. People are naming news websites that I have never heard of…and I forget the name already.
  22. The music I love was written 20+ years ago.
  23. I am booking a flight to my 25th highschool reunion.
  24. I can grow a beard.
  25. I barely remember 23. (age and high school)
  26. I love my clogs more than my Frye boots.
  27. I have more dates for tea than I do for cocktails. Which is OK because of #6.
  28. I have 4 lotions on my bathroom counter. I use them.
  29. I am older than every single Patriots player. Even our ancient quarterback.
  30. I decant my Tums into a dish. (see #3)
  31. Picking up our CSA is one of the top five activities of my week.
  32. I can’t name a single middle school teacher. Although soon I will be able to name my son’s middle school teachers.
  33. I take 4 pills daily. That count does not even include the Tums.
  34. I am shopping for a mattress that relieves pressure points.
  35. Cardigans.
  36. I don’t drive at night. At least without risking my life.
  37. I can go 5 conversations without whining at my mother like a 12 year old.
  38. I took candy crush off of my phone. I left it on my iPad though…I am not THAT old.
  39. I have lived in a state where pot is legal for almost two years and I haven’t been to a dispensary.
  40. An Afghan sounds OK to me.
  41. A great night out ends by ten.
  42. I usually send Steve to pick up our CSA.

And one for good luck.

43. I can’t stand the smell the pump out of Abercrombie, most perfumes, every cologne or scented candles. Now let me go make a wish on my cake. Hopefully the candles won’t be scented.

Picture of Anna Rosenblum Palmer

The last day I am 42. Right before I turn 42.

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Anna Rosenblum Palmer is a freelance writer based in Denver, CO. She writes about sex, parenting, cat pee, bi-polar disorder and the NFL; all things inextricably intertwined with her mental health. In her free time she teaches her boys creative swear words, seeks the last missing puzzle piece and thinks deeply about how she is not exercising. Her writing can be found on Babble, Parent.co, Great Moments in Parenting, Ravishly, Good Men Project, Sammiches and Psych Meds, Playpen, Crazy Good Parent, and YourTango. She also does a fair amount of navel gazing on her own blog at annarosenblumpalmer.com.

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