Do kids count?
Pretty much the universal response (mostly private and at least one public) to my last blog post has been to remind me of my (beautiful, precious, lovely, delectable…) sons. Yes they are all that. I love them.
I have never considered them a part of me though. They are part of my life. The biggest part most of the time, but not part of me. As my kids get older, advocate more for themselves and their interest, challenge the ways of the world, I connect more with them. I loved them as babies, kissing the tops of their heads, and toddlers, adorable croaky voices, but I love them most as people. People outside of me.
During one of my career interviews as we veered off on a tangent (shocking) I met with a woman who recommended the book “Nurture by Nature“, parenting based on Myers Briggs types. I will try it soonish. If any of you get to it first let me know.
Perhaps the next step which seems logical to me is where I lose you, because I see my kids as wholly separate from myself their successes are not my success. Of course I created them (with some notable help) and I am raising them (with much more help) but they are not “ventures.” When I take stock I credit them for much of my happiness, but none of my independent identity. That began before them and continues through them.
When you take stock do you include a happy marriage? Well adjusted kids?
What about the flip side? Are your kids struggles your struggles? Of course we take on their fight, they need us as advocates, but does it change your definition of success?
How intertwined are your homelife and your work life?