Hot button topic

Do kids count?

Pretty much the universal response (mostly private and at least one public) to my last blog post┬áhas been to remind me of my (beautiful, precious, lovely, delectable…) sons. Yes they are all that. I love them.

I have never considered them a part of me though. They are part of my life. The biggest part most of the time, but not part of me. As my kids get older, advocate more for themselves and their interest, challenge the ways of the world, I connect more with them. I loved them as babies, kissing the tops of their heads, and toddlers, adorable croaky voices, but I love them most as people. People outside of me.

During one of my career interviews as we veered off on a tangent (shocking) I met with a woman who recommended the book “Nurture by Nature“, parenting based on Myers Briggs types. I will try it soonish. If any of you get to it first let me know.

Perhaps the next step which seems logical to me is where I lose you, because I see my kids as wholly separate from myself their successes are not my success. Of course I created them (with some notable help) and I am raising them (with much more help) but they are not “ventures.” When I take stock I credit them for much of my happiness, but none of my independent identity. That began before them and continues through them.

When you take stock do you include a happy marriage? Well adjusted kids?

What about the flip side? Are your kids struggles your struggles? Of course we take on their fight, they need us as advocates, but does it change your definition of success?

How intertwined are your homelife and your work life?



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Anna Palmer

Anna Rosenblum Palmer is a freelance writer based in Denver, CO. She writes about sex, parenting, cat pee, bi-polar disorder and the NFL; all things inextricably intertwined with her mental health. In her free time she teaches her boys creative swear words, seeks the last missing puzzle piece and thinks deeply about how she is not exercising. Her writing can be found on Babble,, Great Moments in Parenting, Ravishly, Good Men Project, Sammiches and Psych Meds, Playpen, Crazy Good Parent, and YourTango. She also does a fair amount of navel gazing on her own blog at

4 thoughts on “Hot button topic”

  1. I actually have read that book and it is great! It helps me to understand the personalities of my children and parent them better. My girls are almost opposite which means I need to talk to them differently and what they need from me are different. It really doesn’t take that long to read. The first part is the different types and you go through that and see when you think your child is. The rest of the book is the different personality types. As I read those I figured out if I had the personality type correct. really do check it out.

  2. I live my life only through my children. I put them before everything else, my marriage, my career and my personal happiness…. not really although it’s tempting sometimes to have that kind of commitment to them. In the end it does the kids more harm then good to be the center of the universe and what happens to parents lives when the kids move away and are really fully their own beings? Parents become empty shells that need to relearn how to have their own lives. The pull of the “perfect” parent looms large these days but like everything else in life balance is best… and I refuse to “friend” my kids on Facebook, I am SO NOT their friend, I’m their Mom.

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