More than a block away from the school I hear a click. Then BEEP BEEP BEEP. My mother is riding shot gun and we are near enough to our destination for her to have unbuckled. I imagine her rolling from the moving vehicle to achieve maximum efficiency.

Returning to the house with chattering boys she does it again. As soon as we pull onto the street she is free, ready to leap out, on to the next thing.

Leo thrills at this and unbuckles as well, the van gets angrier, the beeps speeding up. I am on 3 and a half hours sleep and between the beeps and the boys elation at having me back and Granny here it is LOUD. Suddenly rolling out of the moving van sounds a little appealing.

I get the email between flights. One of our long term renters has decided not to keep the house for the school year. On its own this would be a small problem to solve, but in the context of a move, having a house on the market, needing to replace the furnace in the Denver house , etc, etc I feel like I have taken off my seat belt and the van is beeping at me. No contract on the house, no decision on your audit, no renters for the other house, no news about Steve’s job. beep. beep. beep. BEEP. BEEP.

I am trying to channel my mother’s attitude. Seat belt off, ready for the next thing. This ride is so OVER. Instead I feel vulnerable. Searching the road for the next thing that might hit me, or that I might crash into.

BEEP.

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Anna Rosenblum Palmer is a freelance writer based in Denver, CO. She writes about sex, parenting, cat pee, bi-polar disorder and the NFL; all things inextricably intertwined with her mental health. In her free time she teaches her boys creative swear words, seeks the last missing puzzle piece and thinks deeply about how she is not exercising. Her writing can be found on Babble, Parent.co, Great Moments in Parenting, Ravishly, Good Men Project, Sammiches and Psych Meds, Playpen, Crazy Good Parent, and YourTango. She also does a fair amount of navel gazing on her own blog at annarosenblumpalmer.com.

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