Tag / death

September 1, 2016

The shallow end

“I still can’t wear mascara” she tells her friend. She is in tailored pants, a fitted T shirt hugging her curves with toned tan arms holding her 1/2 caf skinny latte. She has chunky jewelry, brand named sandals and professionally colored blond hair. “You look great.” her friend tells her, truthfully. “People are going to look at me and be like, what is up with her.” I guess because of the mascara. I am listening to her and wondering ‘what is up with her.’ My ginger peach tea is ready at the drinks Read more […]

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March 8, 2016

Why I was a cheating cheater

Couple cheating

It’s easy enough to blame my affair on my dead dad. The Husband My husband and I met at Brown University. J was tall and golden and tanned. I imagined myself with someone dark and nebbish. He was a swimmer who wrote passionate stories and grew his own pot. My imaginary partner and I would sit to avoid our four left feet and stay out of trouble doing a crossword. My future husband would never be satisfied by such a simple grid. He created his own world snowboarding out of bounds, losing himself Read more […]

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January 26, 2016

Heavy Petting

What kind of a person gives away her dog? The one she raised from a pup, who rode in the car with his arm on her shoulder like a giant canine parrot. The one who covered her face with kisses. The one who she insisted didn’t smell like dog. Me, I guess. I also gave away a peeing cat…but that is another story. Buckley, named for Jeff of the soulful voice and youthful drowning, was my second attempt to get a guy. The first was building a bar, but it turns out the guys you meet at 1am on Read more […]

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September 23, 2013

Level Failed, try again.

When my dad switched from living to dying my mother took up solitaire. As soon as there were computers she spent her life at them, writing books, preparing syllabuses, whatever else tenured professors at ivy league schools do. She was happy there, creating, editing, annotating. The super speedy click of her long polished fingernails on the keyboard was the constant, comforting sound track of my childhood. In one of his last acts of rebellion in the not long enough life of a rebel my dad had Read more […]

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June 25, 2013

The Other Side

Standing beside my scorching hot mini van I squint at my friend as he lifts his hand. “See you on the other side,” he says as a farewell. He means, I assume, the other side of his birthday, my move, something literal. But given the news of the morning, and my 5 week “Fringe” marathon a small piece of me wonders. The text came on my drive in to town. “Did you hear about D? Died at 51 of a heart attack, working out.” No. I hadn’t heard. I hadn’t really liked him much. He and I were both brusque, Read more […]

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July 22, 2012

Time’s up.

Leo arrives from the beach with a flopping minnow in his palms. Quickly he fills a bowl with fresh water and watches him die. I am irrationally upset by this. I was beginning to post about life and death, then got a natural example. Leo is headed to the bay now to retrieve salt water to revive the dead fish. That will likely not go well. He is sure “porky” is still alive. I don’t know how long minnows live. Perhaps this death was not premature. For most of the year our family is slotted in Read more […]

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April 21, 2011

Who we are

As I type this my dog (originally Steve’s now after 8 years together I call her mine) barks LOUDLY in the background. The next door neighbors, still in Florida for the winter have their gardeners working up a storm. Sarah thinks they don’t belong. She thinks their machines don’t belong. She is probably right on some cosmic level, why do we build machines to tame lawns? In any case…it is who she is. She objects to the unexpected. For hours. I’ve never been particularly interested in the weather, Read more […]

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