Diet, Die-t:
This is a real life text string between me (me) another person (op) and another other person (oop)
me: Easy way to fail at diet hour 1. (buy these delicious tempting morsels here)
OP: That’s the benefit of never having food in the house. No temptation.
Me: And this:
OP: I fucking love donuts.
Me: And this:
Me: All within two feet of each other.
OP: And candy? Shit!
Me: Steve told me he would purge the house (which is totally not his responsibility) but this is sort of a fail. He doesn’t help when he cooks steak, and fried potatoes, and roasted chicken with crispy skin, and homemade bread with butter.
OP: Its too delicious
Me: And I am actually beginning to cry as I text this.
Op: Oh honey, shit times. That’s the saddest face I have ever seen.
Me: Its my no butter face,
OP: I hate that:
Me: The accountant just emailed me, that face is worse than the no butter face.
Tools of the trade:
OP: We got a vitamix. My first smoothie was a fail. Way too many beets.
Other other person: Beets make a lot of trouble in a smoothie world.
OP: Seriously
OOP: I stick to greens and yogurt. Though not together.
Me: I bought the electromagnetic ab exerciser. How can’t that lose? It’s better than a diet.
Me: Here is just ONE way it can lose. By not fitting around my waist.
Born at the wrong time:
Me: Being married to abstemious fit people sucks.
OP: Yes, such incredible self control.
Me: Its not though. It ISNT THE SAME It would be like complimenting my mother on not getting a new car. Their pleasure comes from the discipline and the denial.
OP: No. We have many discussions about how I say he doesn’t understand what feeling out of control around food feels like. He really doesn.t.
Me: If somehow the world were reversed and being plump and enjoying throw pillows were the “virtues” then they would fail. Its the time we live in.
Me: We would have been kick ass in the 1700s. Round and happy, eating grapes on pillows.
I’ve had literally ZERO carbs today (it’s 4pm here). You’re killing me with those doughnut pictures…rockin’ my sad face now as well…
Funny interactions Anna. My husband baked a chicken with crispy skin last night and I LOVED it. Tonight he is cooking steak. I have sent my thin self to bed early without any supper. hahaha!
Haha – well I think any text conversation that ends with the decision to set up in a commune with doughnuts, no shoes and servants has gone pretty well!
hard to argue with that.