She is a Total Pussy- trouble with my live in love

She is a total pussy: intimacy issues with my live in love.

It has been almost a year since I invited her into my house, began to care for her, paying her doctors bills, buying her dinner, cleaning up after her when she got sick. I had visions for a future of mutual contentment. I thought she would be someone to share my life with, someone to cuddle up with at the end of a hard day. Instead I have learned that she has intimacy issues. She seems incapable of meeting my needs. She thinks I don’t notice her, sitting there, looking at me through slitted eyes. But I see her, spying on me as I type. She can’t stop me. I am finally ready to face the ways that she is not the partner I need.

1. She positions herself just out of my reach, literally and figuratively.

2. She doesn’t share any of my interests. She is completely unresponsive when I tell her about  my fears…things I have never spoken aloud to another sole. She sits in silent judgement.

3. She is prickly instead of soft. I see her vulnerable core, but she protects herself when I reach out to her. She never lets me close. Sometimes she actually swipes me away, leaving a mark on my hand to mirror the slice to my heart.

4. Some nights she never comes home at all. She doesn’t call or text to keep me from worrying about where or whether she will sleep. I lie awake imagining her running in fear from the predators who come out in the darkness of the night.

5. She lets me buy every single meal. Every one. Except that one time she brought home takeout and left it on the front stoop, unrefrigerated. This take out was too gross to eat and she left me to clean it up on my own.

6. Speaking of cleaning, even though she is fastidious with her own appearance she couldn’t care LESS about our shared space. She knocks things onto the floor and holds her head high as if I COULDN”T SEE WHAT SHE JUST DID. She seems to know I won’t really complain.

7. She drinks from my water glass and steals my turkey sandwich without asking. I would share anything with her, but she insists on taking advantage of my generosity.

8. Even though she ignores me during my free time, scoffing at my invites to sit on my lap and cuddle, she never leaves me alone during work time. She wines and cajoles and puts herself in front of my screen. When I finally give her the attention she wants she sits and ignores my offers to help. It’s like all of the lovers I have had in the past. Once I lose interest in them they put on a show to get me back, and once I am theirs again they turn tail and leave. I don’t seem to learn.

9. She asserts her dominance all the time. When I walk down the stairs she pushes in front of me almost tripping me. My anger passes quickly as I see her waiting, searching my face with her beautiful blue eyes. Then I reach her…and she runs away again.

10. I’m starting to believe the studies that say that her kind would actually murder me if she were just a bit bigger. (http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2015/10/31/cat-lion-psychological-traits/74941388/) I  want to feel safe while sleeping, preferably with her by my side.

I love her and I want her to love me back. I meet all of her needs, and she ignores my meager requests. She clearly can’t love me the way I want her to.

I have come to realize…she is a total pussy.